- Rory? - [zapping on video game]
Shouldn't you be reading?
Hey, buddy.
[sound effects continue]
Doesn't it short out the controller with you drooling on it?
[game turns off]
I've never been to that level before!
And we're all so very proud of you, son.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm helping you.
There are 12 steps...
...leading to your room. Now go!
- Hey, Bridge. - Hi, Dad.
Hey, beautiful.
Oh, Paul, please, I've been in catheter hell all day.
I'm good.
Daddy, you're never gonna believe this. This is so exciting!
The principal brought drug dogs to sweep lockers!
- Yeah? Cate? - Don't worry, it gets better.
Amanda was hanging out with Burke and she told me all about it.
She wore the same top I have, but it was a knock-off.
- Can we get back to the drug thing? - Who got busted?
- One of the cheerleaders. - Mom, my story.
They busted one of the cheerleaders, Sabrina.
Expelled, zero tolerance.
She's wearing those boots which were like Salvation Army.
- Anyway... - There are tryouts to fill her spot.
- So psyched! - Well, that's great news, Bridget.
Not for Sabrina or her parents or the Colombians.
Didn't you say last year that cheerleading was for losers.
That's because she didn't make it.
Because they were losers.
I can't believe you're encouraging her to be on the airhead squad. Aim high!
- They are not all airheads, Kerry. - No, some of them are potheads.
You know, Kerry, why do you always have to be so negative?
It wouldn't break my heart to see you get involved in an activity
other than the Sullen Squad. Although, you are very good at it.
Are you saying I should try out for cheerleading?
It's not ridiculous. Cheerleading is a legitimate sport.
Sport? Ha!
It would look good on Bridget's college application.
College? Ha!
It's a great experience.
In high school I was a yell captain for a couple months one year.
We went to this basketball tournament in Indiana.
- Wait, wait, you were a cheerleader? - Not a cheerleader, a yell captain.
Mom, did you know Dad was a cheerleader?
Well, I married him... so obviously not.
- My dad, a cheerleader. - Yell captain!
- Like a ship captain. - Ooh, ooh! Like on a pirate ship?
- Yes, like on a pirate ship. - Except you did cheers.
Wow, you think you know someone.
I did not do cheers. I led cheers.
OK, that came out wrong. It was just for a minute.
- I filled in. A buddy broke his ankle. - Cheering?
No, yelling. Daddy was a yell captain.
- Thanks. - Us cheerleaders stick together.
I was not... all right... I was also on the baseball team.
We went to state tournament two years in a row.
Wow. Did you take the pirate ship?
Bridget, I wanted to wish you good luck on your tryouts. Break a leg.
That's just an expression. Yes, it is.
Yes, it is. Look, ask someone. No, don't hang up, don't...
- Hennessy? - Oh, God.
So I hear Bridget's trying out for cheerleading?
Tommy, I'd really rather you not talk about my girls because,
I don't know, it makes me want to kill you.
I hear ya.
Man alive! Hot Bridget, prancing around in a little skirt in front of the guys?
Many of them hiding under the bleachers with their dad's Polaroid? Oh, yeah.
When's first game?
Not all guys try to score with a cheerleader.
- Yes, they are. - No.
I was around a lot of cheerleaders in high school when I was a yell...
Yell of a baseball player.
In high school, I was a cheerleader...
- Me too! ...magnet.
Me too. Cheerleader magnet.
Well, as always, good luck to your little girl.
Thank you, Tommy.
Hey, everybody, back in high school, Hennessy was a cheerleader!
[all laughing]
Hey, how do I look? Do I look like a cheerleader?
Oh, my God, my IQ is plummeting just being here.
Could you support me for a millisecond?
OK, but just for a millisecond. Oops. Over.
Oh, God, here they come.
- How awesome was that frat party? - So awesome! But you know what?
Wait until next weekend for Jell-O Olympics!
Jell-O Olympics?
I have no idea what that is, but I so wanna go.
Our loss is a wonderful opportunity for you underclassmen.
First up, Leifer.
Who's gonna win? The Owls! The Owls!
Who's gonna win? The Owls!
Claflin.
We've got spirit, yes, we do
We're gonna win, that is true
Whoo! Whoo!
- Platt. - Hoot! Hoot!
Can I get a hoot-hoot? I said, can I get a hoot?
'Cause the Owls are gonna stomp
Gonna stomp Gonna stomp on... you
How exactly does an owl stomp on you? It weighs like one pound.
OK, next. Hennessy.
So which Hennessy is it? Her or her?
Me, obviously.
- What do you mean, "obviously"? - Look around.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Hello? Here. Sore thumb.
Go to the library, not sore thumb.
OK, I'm up.
Because, according to my sister, obviously, I could never do something
as complicated as...
Who's gonna win? Owls! Owls!
We've got spirit, yes, we do
Liberty Owls will stomp on you
Hoot! Hoot!
Can we get a hoot-hoot?
Hoot! Hoot! Can we get a hoot-hoot?
Liberty Owls!
Hey, Bridget!
So is my little girl a cheerleader?
Yes, she is!
Tell me, Paul, what exactly do you think...
...means?
Lindsay, I swear, I've never done cheerleading.
Well, let's just call it a talent.
See you tomorrow.
- Who was that? - Lindsay.
Look at you. I never thought you'd get excited about this.
I am not excited about this. OK, maybe just a little bit.
I am so happy for you, Bear.
Good things happen when you put yourself out there.
Kerry, Lindsay's called, like, seven times!
Honey, in America, we say, "It's for you," and then we throw the phone.
Hi, Lindsay.
Did you see that smile? That was so meant for me.
Have you ever considered maybe she's just happy?
- Oh, please, like Kerry's ever happy. - [Kerry] I am today.
Bridget. Look, honey, I know this is hard for you,
but Kerry is your sister.
This is a new experience for her. Can't you let her enjoy it?
No! This is all your fault. You told her to try out.
For something. I thought debate or choir or the kid that puts the flag up.
Never in a million years did I dream that my little girl...
- You gotta be happy for your sister. - Why?
- Just do it. - You've made this the third worst day
- of my entire life. - Worse than lost in the forest?
Cate, she is so unhappy. Make it better.
Well, think about it like this:
It's important for Bridget to learn that she can't get everything in life.
- We always knew this day would come. - I didn't.
She had a pretty good streak going there for a while.
I mean, since the forest thing.
We've been wanting Kerry to break out of her shell.
No, I'm thrilled for her. But I'm a little stunned.
Why would Kerry even wanna be a cheerleader?
Same reason you wanted to be a cheerleader.
Yell captain.
Dinner's ready.
Kids, dinner! You hear that? It has to come from the diaphragm.
Mm.
Smells great.
I use rosemary.
A lot of people can't see beyond basil.
Thank God you did, honey.
Hey, I saw in the paper where the Pistons raised the ticket prices.
You don't wanna be a cheerleader! You said they were airheads!
- Not anymore they're not. - OK!
- No more cheerleader talk. - Fine.
Two, four, six, eight These potatoes are really great!
- Wanna piece of me? - That's it!
If you two can't be civil, I want you to go to your rooms!
- Dad, we share a room. - I don't care. Go to your room,
and not another word! Just leave. Right now.
I don't know why you're upset. You might make the squad.
- If you spend a year on the drill team. - You better sleep with your eyes open.
Did she say drill team? Poor Bridgie.
When I was in high school, we used to call drill team the dork squad.
I was on drill team.
Good one, Dad.
Daddy?
- Daddy? - Huh?
Daddy?
Bridget, you know what I love about you, besides everything?
I can go months without you saying a word to me,
and as soon as I get a huge deadline on my column,
there you are. Which I love.
It's not fair. Kerry hates cheerleading. She's doing this to make me suffer.
I'm sorry, Beach. You're more important than my column.
- Talk to me. - It should've been me.
Sweetie, I know you think that about a lot of things,
but how do you know?
Do you know where I sit at lunch? Right next to them. Kerry?
Way, way far away.
- Still on campus, right? - Dad!
- I'm hurt. - I'm so sorry.
She's doing this to mess with me. Know how long I've dreamt of this?
We'll, let's see, Sabrina was busted on Monday, so...
...uh...
...since Monday? - Yes!
So sorry, sweetie pie.
[phone ringing]
- Hello? - Is it Amanda?
No, it's for me.
It's Lindsay. She wants me to be a cheerleader.
That's not funny, Rory. He's just joking. It's a joke, OK?
This is all Kerry's fault.
No, it's mine. I had to fall in love, get married and have kids.
The Lindsays think Kerry's cute and quirky. But she is evil.
- It's killing you that I'm popular. - Girls!
You're not popular. You're just limber.
Do we want to talk about limber? Sure you wanna open that can of worms?
Getting much work done?
- I can't live like this. Fighting. - They're teenagers.
I can't stand it. Bridget thinks Kerry's doing this just to taunt her.
Well, maybe she is. Maybe she's not.
That was helpful.
- Somebody needs to talk to Kerry. - We are not gonna get involved.
Kerry has a right to be a cheerleader, and Bridget has a right to be upset.
What about my rights? I pay for everything.
- We gotta let them work things out. - Why?
That's how kids learn to compromise and negotiate.
- Don't you read those parenting books? - I skip to the chapters
on how to keep 'em from having sex.
[door slamming]
- [Bridget] You're ruining my life! - [Kerry] I'm sorry, sis. Boom-bah!
- That's it. - No, no, no.
You are gonna stay out of this.
[knocking on door]
Hey there.
Your mother wanted me to have a chat with you.
Oh, really?
So, what, was she too shy to tell me herself?
She's at work, so I have the kids.
Kerry, your mother thinks
that maybe you're playing out this cheerleader thing to...
What I'm trying to say... If there...
See, if you were getting any kind of particular enjoyment
out of Bridget's misery, disappointment and heartbreak,
maybe you could, you know, stop.
Why does everything have to be about Bridget?
[stammers] It doesn't. It's just that for this one time only,
if there's any, you know, morsel of truth
to what your mother thinks,
any teeny-tiny tidbit of truth,
then maybe you could hurry up the process and, you know...
...stop.
OK, you know, you don't know why I'm doing this.
Maybe I just realized that I love cheerleading.
Come on, Bear, it's just us here. You and cheerleading?
- What's that supposed to mean? - You've always been so smart
and complex and funny and smart.
- You said smart twice. - See? Like a whip.
Basically, I'm not the pretty, sexy, popular type, like Bridget?
- I didn't say that. - Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot.
Did you ever think that maybe they just wanted me this time?
Why is that so hard for everyone in this house to believe?
- Kerry... - I was thinking about quitting,
- but now I am so committed. - Good. I'll tell Mom.
[zapping on video game]
- I finished the book, Dad. - Go find another one.
'Morning, everyone.
- Paul, what are you doing? - Couldn't sleep. Girls fighting.
Reexamining my life.
Had to find out why Rory's so obsessed with these games.
- What time did you start finding out? - About 3am.
- And you're only there? - [game stops]
Rory, eat breakfast. Cate, fix your girls.
Oh, no. You talked to them, didn't you?
- No. Just the one. - Oh, Paul.
- You fix it. - I'd just make things worse.
Oh.
Probably.
Could you drive the kids? I'm exhausted.
Me too. I've been up since three.
Sure.
Girls, come on, we're late.
- Dad, I feel sick. Can I stay home? - Wait a minute.
- You feel fine. - You're fine. We're late.
- Where's your sister? - Trying on her uniform.
Come on, Kerry, we don't wanna be late for school. Let's go!
- How do I look? - Very nice, sweetie.
- Dad? - You look really pretty.
- I mean, real... Fine. - Fine?
- You look lovely. - A second ago I looked pretty.
- I think I'll walk to school today. - Wise move.
- Can I stay home? Please? - Oh, Bridget, come on.
- Please? - Oh, sure, honey.
- Sometimes you just need the day. - Cate, she's missing school.
Paul.
Which is OK to do because sometimes you really need the day.
- Thank you. - I'm sorry, sweetie.
I just wanna curl up on the couch with some hot cocoa.
Sure, honey. Your mother will cook you anything you want.
Maybe I could get my belly button pierced?
Cate, you're up. Kerry, let's go.
- Bye, Mom. - Bye, honey.
- Good luck at the pep rally. - Thank you.
- Bye, Bridget. - Bye.
Hope you feel better.
- Hey, Kerry? - Yeah?
Break a leg.
I'm gonna choose to believe that was sweet.
Boy, this is the quietest ride we've ever had.
Still is.
I just have a lot on my mind, OK, Dad?
God, it's gotten so complicated. I'm freaking out.
Look, if this has anything to do with what I said last night,
- I was wrong and I'm sorry. - It's OK.
No, it's not. You're a complex and smart young lady.
- Here we go again. - I didn't mean smart.
I mean, I did, and beautiful and talented.
And I believe you could do a million things.
Maybe more, with medical advances.
My grandfather lived to be 97 and he smoked.
My point is,
you'll make a great cheerleader, if that's what you want.
And if I ever underestimate you in any area of your life,
then I apologize.
OK.
Thanks, Dad.
So where do you want me to drop you off? With your friends?
Yeah.
- No, no, I... Up there. - Oh.
No. Go back, back, back, back.
- Back. - Yeah.
- OK. - No, there, there. Let's go up there.
- No. Back. - Back. Absolutely. I should've...
I should have thought that.
Then I bet you wanna go...
- Are you OK? - No.
You know, Bridget, when I was on the drill team,
we had these really cool moves, you know, like this...
And they really sucked. They completely sucked,
just like they suck now.
Oh, baby.
What are you doing home?
Well, Kerry wanted to change her clothes.
- You're quitting? - Yeah.
- For real? - For real.
Like I wanna hang out with Lindsay and her hair extensions.
Oh, my God, I knew it!
- And fake boobs. - No.
Uh-huh. Total water-bra.
- I have pictures from freshman year. - No way.
The Lindsays are fake. That's why I decided I didn't wanna be a cheerleader.
- It's always been in my subconscious. - Probably.
Mm-hmm.
You see what happens when you let them work it out for themselves?
You were right, although we did have a father-daughter chat in the car.
- He did? - Yeah.
Oh, no. I hate those. Where he almost cries?
I know.
- He's such a cheerleader. - I know.
Yell captain.
Yell captain!